Get Over It: How to Stop Hurt From Defining Your Life

Ephesians 2:1-6

I do not often title my messages, but this one has a title. Get over it. People have come to me with a hurt, a loss, or a disappointment and asked what I think they should do, and I have told them exactly that. It sounds callous. It is the truth, and the truth is the most caring thing I have to give you.

You know people for whom time has moved on and they have not. Something happened, and years later it still sits in front of them. I want to show you why, and I want to show you the position in Christ that makes getting over it possible.

From the Cross to the Throne (Ephesians 2:1-6)

Ephesians 1 fits under one heading. What happened from the cross to the throne. Then the camera pans to you and me. “And you were dead in your trespasses and sins” (New American Standard Bible, 1995, Ephesians 2:1). We followed the course of this world and the spirit now working in the sons of disobedience. Then comes verse 4, and it turns on two words. “But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved)” (New American Standard Bible, 1995, Ephesians 2:4-5). That would be enough. Paul keeps going, and I love the word “and” in this letter. “And raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus” (New American Standard Bible, 1995, Ephesians 2:6).

Romans 6:4-11 and Colossians 3:1 say the same thing. This is the Gospel. Salvation is more than the removal of your past and more than the promise of heaven. There is a right-now reality. Right now, I am seated with Jesus in heavenly places in Christ, and if you are in Christ, the word says it is true of you too.

Seated in Expectation (Hebrews 10:12-13)

Hebrews describes what Jesus did after He offered His own blood before God. “He, having offered one sacrifice for sins for all time, sat down at the right hand of God, waiting from that time onward until His enemies be made a footstool for His feet” (New American Standard Bible, 1995, Hebrews 10:12-13). The Greek word behind “waiting” is ἐκδεχόμενος / ekdechomenos, to wait expectantly. He did not sit down in weariness or defeat. He sat down expecting every enemy to go under His feet.

He raised me up and seated me with Him, so I sit in the same expectation. Not that things will get worse, but that everything that does not line up with the revealed promises of God for me must come into line. That is all I mean by get over it.

Hurt Becomes an Address

I say this to myself, not only to others. Years ago, when I lived in the United States, I owned a finance company and negotiated a partnership to expand. We had access to a market where the other company had no presence. It took months of lawyers and travel, and for a while it worked well. Then they asked for space in our office for some of their people, and we rented more room to make them comfortable. Those employees set up a company of their own and took the business we had built together. We had done nothing wrong to them, and the loss ran into seven figures before counting what we never earned.

Get over it.

When you were wronged, it is easy to camp right there. Why did they do that? If that had not happened, I could have done this. Maybe yours was not a business deal. Maybe it was what someone said or failed to say. Instead of moving past it, you put up a mailbox and told people this is where you live. Hurt defines the identity of too many people. It changes how you see people and how you form new relationships.

Paul names this for what it is. He forgave “so that no advantage would be taken of us by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his schemes” (New American Standard Bible, 1995, 2 Corinthians 2:11). Unforgiveness is a scheme. The enemy has been defeated and I have been seated with Christ, so he cannot take from me directly. He needs a scheme to get me up off that seat and out of that expectation, and to sit me down instead in the place of hurt. Hurt becomes identity. Identity becomes address. And that address forms a limit around a life that God raised up together with Christ.

Today that story is nothing to me. I cannot recall the emotions. That was not automatic. The default setting is rage and the need to make them pay. Getting over it is a decision about where you sit.

Altitude and Attitude

I once began pilot training and stopped when I saw I would not give it the time a good pilot needs. But pilots understand weather. Some air is bumpy, and my wife does not enjoy turbulence. Pilots know one thing about it. Get over it. You can fly over any storm. A few meters below you the wind blows and the rain is cold. Above it there is bright sun, pillowy clouds, and a clear horizon. The only difference is altitude.

How does a pilot change altitude? With attitude, the angle of the airplane’s nose. Life happens and your nose points down, and the weather beats you around. Pick your head up. Jesus said, “Straighten up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near” (New American Standard Bible, 1995, Luke 21:28). Seated with Him means I sit in His expectation, and the natural world has to line up.

Laughing at the Weather (Psalm 2:4)

Recently my mother received a hard diagnosis. My wife called me with the doctor’s report while I sat in the chair where I pray each morning. As she talked, I noticed a red spot on my arm I had never seen before, and the thoughts arrived immediately. What is that? The enemy likes multimedia presentations, and I could picture a waiting room and a test result.

Julie asked what I thought. I told her I was going to get over it. I fed the dogs, sat back down, and went straight to this verse. I have been raised up with Christ. Seated. So what should I do with this news and these thoughts? I sat alone in my house and laughed. I did not try to talk God into what His word already promised. Every time those thoughts returned that day, I stopped and laughed again, because I am seated with Jesus. I was pulling back on the yoke and lifting the nose.

The next morning the spot on my arm was gone. My mother had her surgery, they removed every trace, and none of the other things the doctors warned about came to pass.

“He who sits in the heavens laughs” (New American Standard Bible, 1995, Psalm 2:4). Nobody likes being laughed at, and the devil is full of pride. Pride removed him from heaven and he has never gotten over it. Laugh anyway. Make a list of the prayers Jesus prayed that did not come to pass. Take your time. I expect that what He expects for me shall be.

Live From It This Week

Here is how to get over it in practice.

1. Name the address. Write down the hurt, loss, or fear that you have been living at, and say out loud that it is where you have been, not where you live.
2. Take your seat. Read Ephesians 2:4-6 aloud each morning this week and finish with, “I am seated with Christ, and I share His expectation.”
3. Forgive on purpose. Name the person or event and release it before God, because unforgiveness is a scheme and you are not ignorant of it.
4. When the thought returns, lift your head. Say Luke 21:28 and refuse to look down at the weather.
5. Laugh at the report. When a symptom, a memory, or bad news shows up, laugh out loud before you do anything else.
6. Move to the next thing. Do the ordinary work of the day, and each time the old thought interrupts, repeat steps four and five.

Whatever happens to you this week does not have to define you. It does not have to be your identity or your limit. In Christ you are seated with Him in heavenly places, resting in His victory and sharing His expectation. Below you there may be cold wind and hard rain. Where you sit, there is a clear horizon. Get over it.

Watch the Full Message

This article is adapted from a message preached at GoChurch Beirut. Watch the full teaching below.

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References

Holy Bible: New American Standard Bible. (1995). La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.